This morning as I readied for work I couldn't help but think about this blog, the shoppe, my dreams, my life and my reality. I couldn't help but think of them all in the regard of what I thought each would be and what they truly are. So I thought I'd come clean. With all of you and most importantly with myself. Because, in harsh reality, all of it is far from what I'd hoped or envisioned. With the exception of one or two aspects.
The Blog: I dreamed of THOUSANDS of readers and followers who hung on my every word. Who looked to me for laughter, insight and ideas. I thought that I had so much to share with the world that it would be difficult to choose which content to use. The reality is that the number of followers, is far from the THOUSANDS I'd envisioned. I am thankful for the 234 ***(oops, I stand corrected 233 ~ someone "unfollowed" me)*** of you who do follow, however, I feel I've let you all down. My witty outlook has been lost in the fog of motherhood and, well, life in general. And that fog has kept me from more than just blogging.....
The Shoppe: For the HTB shoppe I dreamed of success. Measured success I suppose. While my dreams would be less grand here I hoped that 2 or 3 boutiques would love to carry the HTB line. To create something and see it actually hanging in a store or boutique was my ultimate goal. But in order to make money you have to spend money and alas....there is no money to spend. I have had a few orders and I am so grateful and thankful to those of you out there that actually ordered something! And remember that fog? Well it has completely eclipsed my creative view. And motherhood, work and family have taken the rest of that time I could have spent nurturing HTB. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be creative if I had a partner to help develop and actually create new items. Ahh to dream!
My Dreams: I suppose this encompasses all of the areas in my life that I touch upon today. Dreams are wonderful. When we are little they not only seem possible they are the epitome of what will be. Inevitable reality, actually, to that little girl who dreamed of a grand life. More fiction, however, to the adult I've become who understands that life has a way of getting in its own way. And thus the dreams we have for our lives get pushed aside in order to make sure that we have the money to pay the mortgage and the bills. Reality really does bite....to some degree.
My life: Ahh, my life. My life started with dreams of living grand. Here is where I will be brutally honest to each and every single one of my 324 readers out there in the blogesphere. My first dream for my life was that I would be the next Barbara Streisand. Now, I can carry a tune but let's face it...if I'd ever auditioned for American Idol I never would have made it past the 1st round of auditions. I'd be the one they politely told that it just isn't good enough and that they were looking for someone with that "star/it quality". And I guess my inability to sing in front of anyone seriously hindered my dreams of stardom. So once I figured that I would never sell millions of records (yes...records not CDs) I moved on to the more important dream I had as a young girl.....to be a Mommy!
This "dream" is what I wanted most in life. I never thought I'd have a career in the sense of professional employment. If you'd asked the little girl I once was, "What do you want to be when you grow up?", I'd answer, without hesitation, "A Mommy!". This is one aspect of my life that I can truly say didn't get lost in the fog! It has in all honesty, helped to create the fog I meander my daily life in. Yet I wouldn't change my desire for a family to live in a less foggy world.
My Reality: My reality is that I'm a wife to an amazing husband. A man who would do anything for his family. My reality is that I'm a Mommy of 2 beautiful, smart, amazing little people who think I'm amazing. My reality is that I have the best parents in the world. Parents who continue to cheer for my dreams and help with my reality. My reality is that I live with self doubt at times and complete belief at other times. My reality is that I am just like every other woman out there. And one day....the fog will begin to lift and I will have a clearer vision, dream, desire and path to travel.